Validation and The Gifts Behind the Scenes

 After several years of not dreaming, or perhaps, not remembering my dreams, my dreams have come back, full blast, weirdness, lucid dreaming, and intense. It would only be appropriate for me to say that the first dream I remembered and the full intensity of coming back was that of an ex and him choosing another woman over, essentially having an affair.

Now the typical narcissist, or perhaps, skeptic might say I was in my head too much. But in all reality, I knew from the moment his affair started, I felt it in my soul, and he was 1,600 miles away. The way his face dropped when I informed him of my dream should have been enough validation aside from the nagging feelings I was experiencing the last several weeks, but like a sucker out for self-sabotage, I convinced myself I was triggered from a previous relationship, with the same omens and signs, and tried to make things work.

Such odd, confusing feelings, the way I have always known things. The way I am connected, I have repeatedly shoved my emotions and psychic intuition into the ground, fucking myself up even further in the process, until finally, this year, at the ripe ol’ age of 43, I refused to not not listen.

I serve a spiritual side, never dedicating myself to a religion, or one God or Goddess. I am a Gemini Moon conjunct Jupiter, so in all reality for me, it is not within my nature to be loyal to one, but loyal to all and hold a place for all deities with serving others, and myself, for the highest good. The way messages come through change in accordance to the moment, and my ability to shapeshift is as much as of a gift as it is a curse, at times, opening my whole inner core to all avenues and seeing all sides.

The one element that steers me true is listening to that higher power, that higher intuition and emotion, and it is in experience that I have had to learn how to be loyal to that inner voice, no matter what was being said on the outside, or by my indoctrinated, trying- to- be practical mind. Simply put, my wires, my feelings and my heart, are the only practical way to go, and the lessons this year in standing strong and holding the line have hit me like a tsunami, strengthening my resolve, building my power, even in letting it slip for a bit, only to take that damn power back and be an even stronger woman, a stronger force, than before.

If the beginning of those dreams was not enough, I decided to entangle myself in another relationship a few months later, with a younger man who was completely, emotionally unavailable. I asked to feel to pain, apparently, this is how the Universe needed to give me what I asked for and show me that I just needed to suck it up and listen to my Goddamn feelings.

I mean, who the hell wakes up with a loud voice in their head, knows that someone is home when they said they were working, and heads on over to drive by their house, with full proof right there. Like a goddamn crazy woman, and something that had even been thought of in years, in a relationship that broke me into pieces with years, and I mean years, of building back enough to even be open to romantically intense love.

How not listening to feelings, and the signs out there, can so change a person into the crazy, shadow side that was once, and only once, felt in the moment of complete denial. Luckily, because of the pain of still dealing with the long-distance relationship, and the off feelings from the few weeks after of “dating” the new guy, I was not head over heels in love. I mean, I was trying hard as hell to communicate and be the slow-moving, accommodating girlfriend, but there was very little give and reciprocation from the other side that just began to shut shit down pretty quick. And the most important aspects of what is important to me in a relationship and the desire to be in a relationship that happened to literally be right around the corner, sucked my soul out for a minute, as I gave my energy, and my power to someone who had no appreciation for it. Two different breeds of people of for sure.

The dreams, the astral projections, the lucid dreams, became more frequent and intense as I spent the last four months losing my dance, my enthusiasm for life. The conversations with the other side became more desperate. And oh, how the Universe coddled me, the downy feathers always in my path, the signs of true love still to come.
There were the hearts everywhere, the cardinals, the doves, bringing home a candle with the wrong zodiac sign, when I meant to buy the zodiac sign for the boyfriend at the time, and the roses, oh the two white roses washing up on the beach the night I walked the shore, crying in my confusion and emptiness, lying on the sand to let the little ocean fairies have their way, sucking all my sadness while I rejuvenated my body with their power. If you want the science part of, I filled my soul and body with the negative ions, but, I prefer the company of animals, birds, and fairies and will hold the science aspect to it just for that fucking validation.

So back to the full force of dreams, the last few weeks, the intensity, not knowing if I was dreaming or in real life. Asking in the dreams if this was a dream or real life, and then the dream last night. Holy shit, in my analytical mind, trying to figure out what all of this means? How I will direct my life from these messages keeps me pretty damn occupied.

I was on a bridge, and we, other people were around, which I can not remember who, except for one, a former client. But we were jumping off the bridge into the water. I had jumped a few times, but then for some odd reason, I could not jump off the bridge, but I had to get to the water. I had to get in the water and swim. I walked and traveled, and came to a restaurant, and old, antique white restaurant, with booths, and I talked with some people. I don’t know who. But I told them I had to find a way to the water. And then I did. I found the water and found my tail. I merged with the water, a river, a calm river, a muddy brown river that brought boats into feed the people in that restaurant. And I swam. I swam, diving slowly underneath the water, letting the water cover my entire body. And then I woke up.

The intensity of having to get into the water is what holds my mind most captive at this moment. A time when two weeks past the New Moon and my decision to purge the boyfriend of no reciprocation, to purge the boyfriend before and take my damn power back so fiercely, using this amazing Scorpionic energy, which happens to be my 7th house, the house of relationships, and a New Moon that was conjunct my natal Uranus, squaring Saturn, as Saturn squares Uranus now, who also just happens to be opposite my natal Uranus.

Uranus, the planet of awakening, shaking me fiercely in this crazy ass journey. Uranus and his energy of my catalytic, intense need for freedom and sexuality that also necessitates me being exactly who I was meant to be and not hide who I am. To stand strong, in my values, in my pain, in the messages that I am meant to bring to whoever happens to cross my path, and the messages I am meant to listen too.

It is only in appreciating my dreams, and the clear channels of messages that stream through, that I listen and take all of these for what they are worth. There are times when it is only through the loss of something that we can fully appreciate how we functioned, how we felt, when the gifts were listened too, and used. I believe that my dreams, and the other gifts that have returned in full force, are back because of the mad relevance they have in my life, and finally, understanding how this is HOW I FUNCTION. These are my gifts in life to be used for their highest good, no matter who says what otherwise, and I am ready to dive into those emotions, feel them for what they are, and take that power, and yes, power, to manifest the life that I choose to co-create in these crazy times.

What are your gifts? What have you denied or not listened to fully as your Soul has pushed you into the direction and light that you are meant to shine through with? Where is it that you need validation for those emotions and thoughts? Astrology consults are an awesome tool that can help guide and validate those gifts you have had since incarnating. Email [email protected] for a consult.