A Glimpse into Remembered Gratitude

​      Hello, hello my Beautiful Soul Tribe! It simply never stops amazing me how quickly time passes, yet the warp of time has taken on whole different definition since the beginning of the pandemic and has perpetually transformed even more. Evolution. Ascension. This is my perception and definition. With the beautifully blessed schedule I have had, the energetic work expanding, and people, places, and events rising up in memory, there has been new habits busting out and a push to get my ass moving.

     When I decided to open an office to serve my massage clients in 2016, the whole process was absolute magic from the very get go. It had only been three years since I became a full-time licensed massage therapist serving clients in their home. I was so blessed. There was a deep-rooted belief in the power of touch and transfer of energy, and a belief in myself. My business grew by word of  mouth, many clients became like family and the lessons I learned were mammoth.

     I began my career as a massage therapist living in a house that was facing foreclosure. I am so grateful to my friends that let me live there at that time because I was just in the beginning of learning the process of manifestation with the Law of Attraction the only law I knew. I had lived in a poverty state of consciousness my whole life, beautiful programming that can condition us, although I had a belief that I was always taken care of and I would make it, the rest of my beliefs were quite skewed, embraced victimhood, and my idea of self-worth was pretty much not there.

     It was in  November of 2011 that I moved into this house as a single Mom of two girls, 6 and 2, two fathers-my relationship with them the absolute manifestation of lack of self-worth and a continual conflict of power. It was also four months after I visited Sedona for the first time.  My job at the OB/GYN’s office gone in August. A combination of fired and quit. It was a day I worked triage and took a phone call from a woman who had been waiting weeks for her mammogram results, that were positive for Stage 3 carcinoma of the breast. I could hear her despair and her knowing something was wrong on the other end, and my disgust at the doctor and medical assistant for not contacting her immediately while simultaneously, the woman who was a boss over me not respecting the time I had requested off for my counseling appointment for the next day.

      I went to the beach that night, a long walk, my heart breaking for the woman who I had talked with earlier that afternoon. My place no longer in the nursing field as I realized number one, how much energy I was taking in. This is when I became partially aware of being an empath. Number two, my time in nursing that I had loved the most had been when I worked with My Dad of Docs, four years at private office with a doctor who loved his patients, loved to teach and was an absolute mentor. So when we merged with this corporation, which I considered the Devil, the rest of my life began to fall apart. I could no longer work for this a corporation that wanted to see 30 plus patients a day. I went from a doc spending as long as it took with his patients, mostly pregnant, to menopausal woman. I watched them shipped in and out, questions they had been burning to ask, a time frame thrown in there that enabled many prescriptions to be written instead of what healthcare should actually be. Yep, I was done that night. I had no clue how I was going to do anything, but between the double whammy of a situation, my decision was firm.

     My Dad of Docs had been diagnosed with multiple myeloma a few years before and it was progressing fast. Hence the decision to merge, (conspiracy ideas heading towards this corporation making it so no docs would take call for him, especially when we had a shitload of patients that had left this corporation to begin with). So by the time we merged, we stayed in his office until December 2010, then moved over to their office. It was not long after that Doc had to go away to Arkansas for treatment, and blessed I was, my independent, out of the box self, to work under one of the older docs. Awe, Thank Source, the Gods and Goddesses for him!!

     And on went 2011, a continuation of being ripped apart from the inside out. What a contract I signed up for!! I had continued working as a postpartum nurse for the birth center that I had worked for since 2006, and also became a midwife’s assistant. I applied all over the place for waitressing job, no one wanted to hire me due to being overqualified and the time constraints a single mother of two with no support would have. I picked up a few agency jobs here and there, worked as a medical transcriptionist, and sold everything I could in my house.

     I was not making the cut. Child support was not happening.  There would be a month where I was unable to pay the water in order to pay the electric and vice versa. So I learned to live off 5-gallon water containers and a little cooler with the refrigerated items my girls needed. It was definitely one of the lowest, roughest patches I had in my life. This was also the time in my life where I spent crying every day for a good six  months. So grateful, so damn grateful that I learned those lessons. Oh!!! So GRATEFUL!!

    There are a whole lot of events in between this time to the time I started school in November 2012 for massage, but for now, the story is how seemingly quick my life took off once I started school. There was a steady determination to finish at the top, not to mention how much I feel in love with massage. My world opened up like crazy. This is where I became even more intentional with my energy and learned about Reiki and the actual transference of energy. The massages performed on me helped to facilitate healing in the most profound way. There was support through my friends in my class and I was walking on a regular basis.

     In clinicals, I wrote my name and phone number on a bunch of business cards and gave them to every client I serviced. In April, on the last day of class for the basic massage program, I left school, drove to Port Charlotte, and aced my NCBTMB exam for my license. The next day, I started apprenticing for the school and began to pick up regular clients. I had a few months left of class since I had signed up for the certified medical massage, but I was earning money and building my base. I felt amazing. I loved what I did, and oh, how my business grew over the three years.

     So when the opportunity knocked again (this was a second or third opportunity of offer) to open my own office, my solar plexus lit up. It was the Full Moon of July 2016 and I remember sitting inside my little Toyota Corolla, looking at the Full Moon and saying yes, not knowing how the hell I was going to be able to do this. That feeling anchored in. I looked at the office, made a deal, went home and began the paperwork for a EIN number, and from there, my life jingled in synchronicity.

     I busted my ass. I was attending two different colleges full time, homeschooling my girls, running my mobile business, while setting up all the appropriate paperwork for functioning in a city, and all handy work in my office, which, by the way had 3 rooms, a front office, a little back room with a sink and a bathroom. Everything had to be feng shui. I did it all, the shopping, the painting, hanging pictures, and whatever else needed to be done. I would be at the office till 2 in the morning during those two months of set up. It was invigorating, amazing, inspiring, and just the beginning. I was so blessed!

     I have not thought about this feeling in a while. Memories lately rising to the surface that brought a sense of elation through my self work. The current moments of a progressed Moon at 29 degrees in the progressed 8th house, a solar return Venus at 29 degrees in the 2nd house, an almost finished waning Saturn opposition between the 4th and 10th houses, the roller coaster of events of a Uranus opposition in the 1st and 7th house, and the last year of a 1st house solar return all tightly knitted together with the Ascendant, Sun, Mercury, Neptune, who happens to be a waning square to my natal Neptune in the 8th house, and Saturn in Pisces to boot, all bring on the critical moments that resurrect the Phoenix.

     It is a surreal, weird ass feeling with definite moments of frustration and tears that I have learned to just let float on by while immersing myself in those emotions as an observer. I am watching pieces of me die, quite dramatically, from my own Karma, my own experiences, and journeys through these last few years. I have no doubt on the other side, I will be tremendously changed. The last few months I have gone back to the drawing board, revisiting Sedona in April, and May, listening to trusting the process, relearning the 12 Universal Laws instead of only the Law of Attraction, educating myself and spending many moments in meditation and connecting with others.

    And as I ask Source and guides for clarity in their signs, their omens, and our beautiful communicative relationship, memories come rushing to the surface of the things that once brought me joy, of how good I felt in these moments, of words and actions that lead me to the path of least resistance. Thank a beautiful ambulance for shouting that message out to me. Who would have thought. There is nothing in my life now that can top the despair, I felt in 2010 through 2012, but it has been a beautiful reminder to remember those moments and the moments of gratitude I felt after I jumped out of bed in my place in 2013. I was so happy to be happy. I was so grateful to be moving in such a beautiful direction.

    Uranus in the first house brings these beautiful epiphanies, whether they are epiphanies of joy, or sadness, or perhaps, the patterns of double whammies that lead to tremendous transformation. This has been my experience. My dance with a Saturn square Uranus activated in 2020 and 2021 to bring that double whammy to my home front and my relationship as a natal transit, but also to my career and my identity as the transits of that time. It is in those moments that astrology comforts me, along with my knowledge of intentional living, honing my energy and finding where the opportunities lie. And as I mentioned the multitude of planetary challenges above, Chiron was never mentioned, yet his presence is forever engrained as he sits in my natal  first house, all my dramatic life events leaving him with a leading role as well. This is the beauty of a chart will planets and points in every house except one!

      I started off today with an immense amount of gratitude that began my journey into an full time entrepreneur. Massage still an absolute passion of mine and my ability to just tap in and work the mind, body, and soul. I am here over ten years later working with clients that I have served for years, my load not quite as heavy as it was when I opened my office, yet I have no desire to work on that many people, or as many days in a row. That path led me to a kick in the ass burnout. An idea I am very familiar with. But I do have a deep desire to continue on as a entrepreneur, building another business while I work with massage clients on a limited schedule. As we grow, our needs grow, our bodies change, the energy we work with has changed and my parameters for rest, for self-care work more and more towards being absolutely non-negotiable. This my friends, is also a beautiful lesson of the North Node in Aries, or any first and ninth house transits.

       Onward I go, putting one foot in front of the other, even if I fall, or take a few steps back. As I reflect back, my vision is on the road ahead, the road I am on at this very moment as I balance my Soul in the multiverse and this 3D world. I wonder how many others are feeling this way, or similar. How many of my Soul Tribe friends are out there wondering when we will meet up. It is no longer a time of thinking we are alone in this world. Between social media, the pandemic, and the boom created by the isolation and fear that was created, there is this innate knowing that in a world of 8 billion people, there are is a small percentage of people that we can definitely vibe with. Shit, just one percent of 8 billion is 80 million people. I sure in the heck could not and would not want to handle that many people. Yep, so even if I multiply this number by 0.00001, I will still get 80,000 people. Working with these numbers definitely keeps things in my perspective as an introverted extrovert! It is a number that still holds a crap load of energy, but yet, makes me smile from ear to ear with the simplicity of being able to reach out and touch someone’s Soul.

     I leave you now with these personal thoughts, a piece of my beautiful journey. It is definitely a trail of breadcrumbs and I love getting older. With age comes wisdom if you are interested, and overlooking the years brings me a place where I can see how all of these different pieces of the puzzle actually fit together. Life makes more sense, feels more peaceful, and reiterates the importance of reaction and inner calm. And chaos, oh for me, I have learned to maneuver chaos better and better. The idea of chaos is a knowing that in those moments of pure frustration, the strength of clarity will stand up tall and send me flying into the next dimension. I will take the ride, because in the extremes of my emotions, my highs are so damn high, and my lows, well, they just keep getting easier to cope with.

     I will see you with my next test of integrity and showing up, my friends. Let this article be a peek into making my brain my bitch, (Thank you Katherin Zekina!), and the learning from Atomic Habits ​ by James Clearly. I am ready to shine and serve in a much different way in way that works with how I have changed. Until next time my Friends and Fiends. Much Love!!