A Preview of My Great Awakening

Hello, Hello, Beautiful Souls!
      OMG! What a beautiful week. Actually the last several weeks have been amazing and have passed by superfast. I have working hard and diving into energetics and the physical realms of ancestral healing, building my practice of integrational body, mind, and soul work, crystal loving, earth keeping, and Reiki, along with some major self-work that has been calling out to me. It has been a beautiful journey, even through some of my purging healing crisis moments, and knowing that in those moments that is exactly what was going on in so many different levels. I invited these moments to dance with so that I could open as much space as possible for the other side of this transformation, collectively and individually.
     
     And yes, collectively, a transformation that there is no escaping. I would like to address this, the collective transformation. There are those that know how to dance with this, have been taught, or intuitively know the process of leveling up spiritually, emotionally, physically, and then there are so many of us that simply do not.
    
    It is thousands of years of conditioning, each generation succumbing deeper and deeper into the propaganda that is fed to us through so many avenues. I was definitely one of them, and when my Great Awakening happened in 2011, it was three years of hell, and I do mean that in a very near literal sense. It has only been recently that I have looked back and seen all the little pushes Spirit had a long the way, and my intuitive senses were sequestered and squashed by others, by my own lack of trust, self-denial, and what not. But when everything seems to come crashing down all at once, it is really kind of hard to annoy.
     
     So onto the Great Awakening. Two near death experiences in the matter of a year, a sinister relationship of betrayal, deception, infidelity, stalking, a miracle conception, some deep, unconditional love, civil legal battles that were atrocious, an amazing boss/mentor diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a change of positions from a private office to corporate office in obstetrics and gynecology and the recognition of corporate evil , the loss of income from the inability to even be in the vicinity of such a place and the onset of awakening symptoms, and the knowledge that I read The Secret and realized that if I was responsible for and manifested all that shit, that I could certainly manifest the opposite.
    
    But nowhere in that book did they address the Healing Crisis, or purging, or transformation. It was all the possibilities, and like most Western ideologies, such as our history, and Western Medicine. There was a whole lot of shit that was mighty important, left out. So three years of reprogramming my brain, a six-month period of crying every single day, not being able to manifest what I desired, diving into yoga every day, animals coming up to me or flying around in circles over my head, seeing pictures, faces, things come out the tar, the clouds. Everywhere I looked it was like getting bombarded with messages. There were so many crazy symptoms. I felt like I was going insane. I remember trying to find some help from some so-called spiritual people. There was a time I approached of the teachers I was taking yoga classes from several times a week, and during a meditation, I had this surreal experience, and I asked her about this, she looked at me as if I had two heads. And the information on the internet was certainly not as abundant in 2011 and 2012 as it is now.
     
     To make this blog not so long, there were major markers that changed my life, such as my first trip to Sedona. I knew it changed things, but I was terrified when I realized just a small piece of it back to the airport, and definitely lengthened my torture with that fear for another year and a half. In 2012, the beautiful synchronicity of massage school started my journey up the ladder. After massaging for nearly 20 years at that point, I finally realized, and believed in myself, that I could make a career out of this that would provide and help me thrive as a single of Mom of two little ones, on my terms. And what a multitude of doors this opened.
    
      Such a passion, and touch, so healing. I became self-employed from the get-go, built my clientele, started remembering what I loved. I was able to work, spend more time with my kids, and put myself through school. I graduated in June of 2013, started up at the community college in the Fall, found myself an apartment, could afford lessons for my girls, started a relationship, started my bachelor’s degree at a University a few months later, became certified in Reiki (which literally changed my life overnight), and was able to barter a timeshare on the beach for a package of massages. That was just the first year and it was amazing.
       
      Three years after graduating, I opened my own office. My manifestations were working pretty damn quickly. I was adamant about writing down my New Moon Intentions every month, working on my intentions through journaling, and dove into so many different avenues of energy work. It was beautiful and amazing, even through some sad moments.
     
      But in that quick ass cycle of manifestation, I never fully appreciated the concept of celebrating my milestones, or integrating and processing all the work I was doing, nor did I invest enough in self-care when I opened my studio. I lost my daily walks, worked 7-8 90-minute massages a day, sometimes for two to three weeks in a row. So joy was lost, feelings detached, and burnout built up quick. And to add to the burnout, I decided to start Eastern Medical School, Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. (I love some of the looks I get when I tell people I was in medical school and then say Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. As if this system has not been around for thousands of years and much more effective than other medicinal systems that seem to ignore the whole mind, body, and soul).
    
     Yep, Definitely the icing on the cake of burnout. And then, you know what happened. And I was so damn okay with the break. No more 4 hours of driving a day after 10 hours of classroom. I was able to start walking again, a lot. I fell in love, hard core, and  I was home with my kids, kinda. By that I mean, I still had class all day long on Zoom (how the Hell do you learn acupuncture on a freaking computer?), my kids were on Zoom themselves, but they were falling asleep too, not engaged. And sometimes, being home with your kids all day long…uh..uh, not meant for some of us.
    
      And so began the next phase of transformation that led to a few years of intense anger, grieving, and some major changes. And conscious changes as I recognized patterns and changed my responses. I withdrew from school in December 2020, and my Soul shouted in joy. I also knew there would be things I needed to deal with that 7 classes would not allow to give the focus for where I needed to be. Can I tell you how thankful I was to listen to my intuition. And so the intro in a hellatious cycle. Thankfully, I knew what was going on, and I was able to handle my emotions, respond from a place that was much different than my Great Awakening, but there has been some mad ass-kicking.
    
     I had to define my purpose again and figure out exactly what it was. Because let’s be honest, education, pharmaceuticals, politics, Western Medicine, and the people I once admired, all developed a whole new perspective. And I felt like I needed to fight for humanity, for all the people that just had no clue and were letting themselves be lied too, gaslighted, embedded with fear. Yep, this level of transformation was tearing down layers, and layers, and layers. A beautiful, crazy set of moments for someone dealing with a Saturn opposition, a Uranus opposition, a Mars opposite Pluto, and a Neptune square, that just happens to hang out right on top of my Sun, with a Jupiter transit through Pisces, a stellium filled 12th house in Aries, and then joined Uranus in Taurus. Fun times Baby!
    
      Saturn is transiting my 11th house, joining Neptune’s journey, and I have to say how much I appreciate this dance. My spirituality has needed some grounding, a place to be brought back to in a different way, and some major ambition and discipline in the creative sector, although working through the paralytic fear and restriction that Saturn can express, has um, been part of the dance, and not so great at times. I have learned to hold space for those moments though, and my passion, my love, my need to dive deeper into helping the collective has brought back different modalities, amplifying their original status. And my commitment to honoring the integration and processing has amplified those layers as well.
     
      And that leads me to my Holy Fire Reiki Class Certification last week. I mean, I have already felt amped up since coming home from Arizona, and then the addition of craniosacral therapy, and the self-work totally intensified this class. And all I can say, is HOLY FIRE. There was some energy firing up like crazy, as well as some nauseous moments during some of our meditations. Our placements amazing, and the ability to perform Reiki through distance, a learning experience. A validation. The perfect expression of my Lunar Return, which happened to be on the second day of class.  And the simple reward of listening to the signs I was given and a beautiful “initiation/graduation” present.
   
     My work on my clients this week, my work on other areas, amazing. My clients have noticed the difference, how hot my hands become over areas that need to be addressed. The work on myself and the changes have been amazing as well. I can not say it was as obvious as the first class I had, no literal overnight changes. The changes have been more subtle, reminding me to honor my self-care, to honor the need to rest and remind me of how intense energetic and emotional work is. I have felt my relationship with plants, animals and my relationships deepen, and my motivation, the will to move into action, such a relief to feel that. To be there.
   
  There are so many events these last few weeks that felt like stepping into home. The clarity, the remembrance, the people I am meeting, the synchronicities, all of these moments rolling into such a beautiful place, even through the outside stuff. The habits of not engaging in places where it simply does not serve me, nor humanity. It is so nice to be here.
  
     If you are going through some crazy shit. Some crazy, life changing moments, and not so sure where you stand? What the hell is going on? I want you to know. I hear you. I see you. There is necessity to be able to hold space for these moments. We are so used just pushing our stuff down, not addressing it, and when asked how you are, responding automatically with, “I am good.” Those moments where if you even say anything else, you may break down and cry, nonstop. I understand. I know. There are plenty of us out there that can feel that. That know that exact spot. You are not alone. You are never alone-unless you truly want to be. You may not be able to see them, the beings around that are there to guide you, hold you, but knowing this, feeling this. This is where the true transformation starts. So please know. You are a powerful, powerful being. And you are meant to be here. You have a purpose. You may not know what it is. But if you wake up, here on Earth, you most certainly are needed for YOUR GIFT.  Whatever that may be.
  
    On that note, I send the most, most love, and a ton of feathers. We have a Solar Eclipse on Saturday. I am so excited and will be working on some beautiful projects. Until next week Beautiful Souls. Stay strong and authentic.